Sunday, December 29, 2013

the power of a mother's love

went to visit my mother last week. good news is, she's home, discharged from the hospital. alhamdulillah. she's stable. better condition but she's still the same person.... quiet and downhearted. i know, i can tell. sigh.. well i tried to talk to her, as per advised by the doctor. she's lonely and sad but she can't tell. she can't tell because she can't talk. she can't talk because she had tracheostomy operation last few months. so now she has this breathing tube made in her throat to help her breathing well without the help of the ventilator and also caused her inability to eat and speak. 

OK. so, while giving her a massage, i came out with this conversation:

Me: mak... lenguh kaki ka?
Mom: *she nodded her head*
Me: ok... atie urut na.. emm atie baca Al-Fatihah boleh tak? kuat-kuat.
Mom: "she nodded immediately* 
Me: *massaging and reciting al-fatihah*
Me: ok.. atie baca "qulhuallah" nak? 
Mom: *staring at the wall* 
Me: *done reciting* emmm atie selawat nak?
Mom: * nodded her head*
Me: * selawat*

ok this time around, i was a bit surprised. i saw this..

Mom: *she recited along with her lips*
Me: *I kept reciting, i was STUNNED and my eyes began to fill with tears....*
Mom: *her eyes were also teary a bit..*

OK. i was terribly saddened by her actions. How i wish mom... how i wish you could be that person again.. the bubbly and cheerful mom.. Remember you taught me to recite surah Yassin, mom? You would scold me if I got it wrong.. you corrected my solat.. you recited surah Yassin to me when i was sick to death 5 years ago.. you bathed me and fed me. I thought i was going to die.. but you convinced me that I wouldn't. and i was very determined that i had to hold on.. i had to keep strong. and... i survived. 

And mom.. you were not good at throwing words. at throwing words of encouragement. but hey, i understood each of them. because your actions spoke louder. same goes to me, mom... i may not be able to put all those sweet words together but i can show you how.. just like how you did to me. you are a great mother, indeed. i hope i'm a great daughter too..

i love you mom. from the bottom of my heart, for sure. 

till then,

Thursday, December 26, 2013


Talked to Noreen just now. 

I asked her to be my wardrobe adviser. haha! simply because i want to look neat and clean. so i let her know what i wanted to be :

1. a young woman with her long sleeve shirt and a plain jeans / a denim skirt
2. a fresh woman with minimal make up 

and she's ready whenever i am! ;)

till then,

angan tak sudah

she asked about my mother.
she did.

i felt awkward. but i responded naturally. told a bit and changed the subject neatly. 
people change. i know. but i'm not sure how far she has changed. or maybe changing.. 

on the other hand, maybe i'm asking too much. i don't know. all i know, i felt weird. i hope it wont stay. 

i also have another interesting thing that is happening. to me, at least. i find it quite interesting. OK, a wise woman who is very affectionate, also a mother who is very attentive to my matters, a person who knows how to twist my anger, my frustrations to a warm smile. all i know, whenever i talk to her, i feel like i'm talking to a mother. i feel real. i feel appreciated. i feel calm. she is my second diary after my husband. but now, i think i need to take a step back. because i think I've shared too much. i shouldn't have done that. because it is not her job, to catch me every time i fall.  i don't have to mention her name here.

because i prefer that to be unseen 


Saturday, November 30, 2013

like i promised ;)

well i did promise to come back with more updates on her birthday, didn't i? 

we went to Mothercare on the day before. She wanted this glasses badly , so okay lah we bought for her -.-'

and then, tingg!!!! eh kt Sunway Lagoon dah. hihi

sexy back, bebeh! bergetah. :p

adoi suka sgt pelampung dia. tu tgh jerit, jgn benti kayuh utk dia. -.-'

"ummm when can i dip myself into the water again..."

"Hmm... cemane ni.."

"row row row my boat,mamaaaa"
suri, hidung tu kepit skit please -.-'

"oneeeeeeeeeeee twoooooooo three!!"


eh hi. :p

one more. hihih. suri was getting bored :p

ok someone has fallen asleep. weehoo!

last but not least :)

till then

rule number 9...

9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

hear me! hear me!

I reallllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy WANT to watch this. *kira balance gaji*

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

happy birthday my little daughter!


Hi all *waving* (even though I know, there's no follower. well, who cares? haha)

Been a while. I promised to update on my daughter's birthday celebration. Anyways, we had two celebrations. One was at the Sunway Lagoon Water Theme Park. Another one was at her school. I forgot to download all her pictures when we were at the theme park. Nevertheless, i spare some from her second celebration (school) for you guys! *excited*. 

Well it's like a tradition. Before you want to be happy, you need to stress out yourself first. haha. And because her birthday fell on Deepavali, I decided to dress her up with a Punjabi suit. hihi.

Ok, I'm fine already *smile*
Here's the cute cake made by a good friend of mine, Kak Huda. You can follow her on Instagram as well. She makes good cakes,pastries,cookies,etc. Her durian crepe I tell you.....Wallawweeyy!  Her username on Instagram is nurhudasamsudin. Cepat follow! 

with her parents. aku la tu. dgn laki aku. hihihi

Okay after that, we visited Prince Court Medical Center for her 1-year-old immunization injections. Here's a happy picture of her after everything's done. hihi

k bye. 
Will come back with more updates
Till then

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

his order

sigh. I'm so frustrated. every time i show him (my husband) pictures of jeans or tops on the Internet, he'll brush off! 
benci lah. i mean, come on... those are fine. not all of them are not appropriate, at least. i mean, jeans are supposed to be "that" fit right? who on earth would wear loose jeans? well then that's not jeans anymore. that's.... pants! okay whatever. 

i really need to spruce my wardrobe. since I wore head cover, I've been wearing rubbish! baju singkat lah, seluar tak cukup panjang lah, warna baju dengan seluar tak kena lah, bla bla bla..

so, I'm immensely looking forward to welcoming 2014. right after my year-end bonus. right. I'll likely buy more scarves (plain ones) and denim skirts . hmmm... I can't seem to stop visualizing myself wearing a denim skirt with a long sleeve shirt. I don't know.. It has been a while. I kinda miss it. Being simple and ordinary. 

till then

Friday, October 25, 2013

counting the days..

Hi there,

It's Friday. Today, I drove to the office with Suri. It was pretty awkward because it has been quite a while since I drove to work. Husband needs to stay up till night at his office today and I guess I just have to bring Suri somewhere we can spend some quality time together. Until daddy's back. 

Well, Suri's 1st birthday is coming up very soon. I'm all excited about it. My mind now is starting to imagine how wonderful it would be. It's gonna be fun! 

Her birthday falls on the Public Holiday (Deepavali) 2/11/2013, Saturday. My husband and I are planning to give her first splash experience at the Sunway Lagoon Theme Park. yay! 

We'll then probably off to KLCC for the Enfagrow Expo, just to find out what the occasion is all about. Posters are everywhere now at Tunas Kijang. I'm fascinated by the news, obviously. haha! 

I've already applied a leave on 4th of November 2013 for her 1 year immunization injections at Prince Court Medical Center, where she was born.  However, not just that. There will also be a birthday celebration at school with teachers and friends!!! How exciting! I've ordered a custom-made cake with one teletubbies character (the red one) and now cracking my head to find her teletubbies costume. ahhhh where to find this thing? 

Well never mind. I still have plenty of time. Anyways. I miss my dear baby right now. I'm flipping through her pictures and start to smile generously! hihihi. 

Till then, world. Will keep you posted. 


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

my very first post


i'm pretty new here. 
since my xanga blog has been closed, here's my new place to write about almost everything

till then